Crazy Beautiful Life

It’s a funny world we live in.

On my way to work this morning, I saw a man in a business suit, lying in a heap on the ground, just seconds after he was struck by a car downtown. (I later learned he lived, though I wasn’t sure as I sat in my front row seat at the red light). He stayed in the back of my mind all day and I was struck by the fact that there are no guarantees in life. We say that from time to time. In fact, we even use the example- “I could walk out the door and be hit by a car”- but we don’t really believe that will happen. I’ll bet that he didn’t either.

When I got to the office, I sat with a 10-yr-old little boy who’s birthday is just 2 weeks before my nephew’s. He came to us yesterday. Because of the risks, we couldn’t tell him where he was going when he was picked up from school and brought to the building where he would be met with the surprise news that he wouldn’t be leaving. And so it was left it to me to break that news and it was left to me dry the tears of fear and confusion that followed. And this morning, as I watched this little body play with his lego’s on the floor of my office- while listening to the angry boy next door throwing furniture and profanity against the wall- all I could do was pray that God forgives me if bringing them here was a mistake.

Next I listened to a distraught mother who’d been so emotionally beat down by both the adults and the children in her life that she simply needed someone to listen to her now, rather than attack her… yet again. Which is exactly what she felt I’d done the week before in my report. And so I listened. It wasn’t the time to defend my position or tell her that no one was placing blame or that this was just the start and that treatment is, in itself, an ongoing assessment. It wouldn’t have mattered. The heart wants what it wants- and at the moment- hers wanted a voice.

I went to the detention center to help another child begin to scratch the surface of shame, guilt, fear and embarrassment so that he can realize that the world won’t fall apart once he speaks his actions out loud. How do you convince a child that the world is not nearly as black and white as society sometimes paints it? But I watched in amazement as he gathered all of the courage he could muster and pushed forward in an act of bravery and confession that most adults I know couldn’t do. And the process began… again.

And then I got a phone call from a prior client. It was the first I'd heard from him in 8 months. If ever there was a time I had to check my boundaries and be careful not to get too enmeshed… it was when I was working with this kiddo. We were the only family he had and we raised him through his adolescence. At one point, I actually had to discourage him from referring to me as his second mother. (Earlier, I had flown him to New York so that he could say goodbye to his actual mother before she died.) He brought me up to speed and I'll admit- I was a little sad to see the path he's heading down- when I know he has the potential to change course. But when all is said and done- the misery of the unknown is worse than the known misery. Nonetheless, despite the dysfunction, he assured me he was happy.

On my way home, I returned an earlier missed call from my neighbor who’s nearing 80 years old. She just wanted to talk to me about the death of her best friend yesterday. Her husband passed away last year. I couldn't help but wonder how lonely life must be as you move closer to being the last one standing. And I wondered if a long life is more of a blessing or a curse.

I wrapped up the day by heading up to my church in Carmel to attend a class where 750 people have dedicated their Thursday nights to humble themselves so that they can simply learn how to love our Urban Neighbors at our church in Brookside. Amazing. The teaching pastor spoke of differences in perspectives and norms and challenged our ways of thought. He painted a beautiful picture of urban culture. And on my final way home tonight, I was struck by the irony of life and I was overwhelmed with love for people... for humanity. Funny how a day like today can actually strengthen faith. And then the song that's playing came on the radio. I'd never heard it before and it just... fit. Easily one of my new favorites.

(You know you want to go back and restart the song to listen again. Go ahead- it's totally worth it!)
[10th Avenue North- Times, in case the song has been changed]
Love ya! :)