A lesson in humility

Humility is clearly the theme of this weekend!

I attend two churches. They are closely tied but could not be any more different. One is a highly affluent mega-church in the wealthiest suburb in the GIA. The other is a small urban church located in one of the most impoverished neighborhoods in the city, near my house.  I’ve had my share of struggles and growth in both environments, but that’s another blog.

A few weeks ago, Northview announced that they would be doing winterization and yard work for the folks of Brookside. The coordinator has become a friend of mine and she asked if I would like my yard to be worked on. She stated that they really wanted to bless me and had hopes that witnessing the event would encourage my neighbors as well. I agreed, though in hindsight, it was not exactly with a gracious heart. I wanted my house to be last priority. If they had extra volunteers and they needed somewhere to plug them in, they were certainly welcome to use my place.

I wasn't trying to be rude. In fact, I honestly thought I was just trying not to take away from someone "who really needed it".

Around Thursday I realized that I was getting uncomfortable about the notion of having the volunteers come to my house. I was even getting a little defensive. I kept thinking to myself, "if they even THINK about pulling out a camera..." I was so worried about becoming someone’s project. Being perceived as needing service or aid or charity.  (I was already sensitive to the seemingly universal suburban belief that what they have is better and that it is only by their gracious generosity that folks in my neighborhood survive at all.   That we should all strive to follow their example so that we, too, may prosper!)  But it really pushed me into a position of self-examination. Even though I felt justified, I had enough insight to know that I needed to check my attitude before Saturday or tell the church that I wasn’t ready. Why the strong reaction? What would be so wrong about needing help? What would it mean about me?

The answer’s that came weren’t too flattering. Things like “weak” and “inferior” came to mind. I was both surprised and ashamed by my own prejudices, especially after I've learned so much from my neighbors. But if that’s how I really felt… then how is that carried over into my relationships at Brookside?

It was an instant wake-up call from God. This Church has zero room for self-righteousness… now matter how unintentional it may be. The truth is that we are ALL inferior. We ALL need help. And it can ONLY be supplied by our Savior. He will not share His glory.

But in addition to uncovering my subconscious biases, there was another lesson unfolding. The act of “receiving” has never come easily for me. Anything, really. Compliments. Love. Grace. (which has been an especially difficult one for me lately). Anything unconditional where the tally sheet can't be equalled. In order for me to truley accept something, I must be able to earn it. I must be deserving of it. In my meditation, I was taken back to John 13: 6-8, where Paul has a hard time accepting a footbath from Jesus. In response, Jesus reminds us that unless we let him love us, we will not and cannot belong to him. Our pastor once said that we can love how God loves… by living loved. We must live as a branch, receiving nourishment (gifts!) from the vine and then bear fruit. Translated in this situation to mean that I cannot be an adequate servant for God if I don’t accept the gifts he provides through his servants! (which we all are.)

The bottom line, is that I simply have to let go of these ideologies of hierarchy. We're in enough battles with the world around us. I don't need to create my own within the church.

In case you’re wondering- the morning was great. My yard looks wonderful and it was such a blessing! I needed more help than I was willing to acknowledge and we accomplished things that would probably have been left untouched for years. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t unpleasant. Not a single one of the volunteers presented with any amount of condescension. In fact, it was a lot of fun and after all was said and done? It was I who whipped out the camera first. After all, it was the bride of Christ working and growing in relationship with one another for His glory. And it doesn’t get much more beautiful than that. PTL!

(If only I had charged the battery longer!)